Archive for March, 2009

13
Mar
09

Bernie Madoff’s Top Ten Prison To Do List

Now that Bernie Madoff’s is off to prison for a 150 or so years and getting his first taste of true prison cuisine I thought I would help Bernie out with his new prison to do list. So here are my top ten suggested To Do’s for Bernie:

10. Become pen pals with Martha Stewart and learn from her how to accessorize those adorable prison jumpers. Also, Martha’s handy tips on how to hide a shiv in a frosted layer cake are good too but that’s, of course, assuming Bernie didn’t screw her as well.

9. Get out those handwritten personalized holiday thank you notes to your clients that Bernie has been dying to do for years. While he’s at it, he can also send thank you notes to the 400 or so investigators at the S.E.C. for blithely ignoring his audacious Ponzi scheme for 13 years and the subsequent loss of $65 billion dollars.

8. Learn speed is more important than cleanliness when taking your showers in prison and that being old and wrinkly is no reason to excuse yourself from a quick shower tryst.

7. After learning the shower lesson above Bernie can become a Born-Again Christian and repent his sins. Failing acceptance by Born-Again’s and any personal protection they can afford him, he can then join the Aryan Nation and get some really radical prison tats.

6. If that doesn’t work Bernie can get big fast, I mean really fast or he can organize a prison cigarette investment fund. Actually, he’s better off getting big fast! Think like A-Rod and have your cousin visit you in jail!

5. Failing that, Bernie can petition the prison system and tell officials that he is a woman trapped in a man’s body and demand that the taxpayers pay for his sex change operation as an accommodation to his new cell mate Bubba. Again, Martha maybe handy for giving you a few, quick prison makeup tips.

4. Become a leading advocate for prison inmate rights and demand the availability of Viagra for all conjugal visits. Might one to explore this one before pursuing item 5, however.

3. Adding to a growing list of prisoner rights perhaps Bernie can twitter to his following some of his ongoing jail house experiences. In response to “what are you doing?” Bernie can bang out, “Oh no, Bubba’s got that gleam in his eye again, I got to be…,” while hoping he is keeping his tweet under 140 characters. Actually, I can do a whole column on that!

2. He can vow to live an additional 50 years so that when Bernie’s a 125 he can be paroled after the Obama budget finally bankrupts the entire country and the prison system.

And last but not least:

1. Bernie can finally write that tell all book about personal financial investment he has had a hankering to do. Failing success on the NY Times Best Seller list, he can then write a sequel called the ultimate “Dummies Book on Ponzi Schemes”. It will become the must read book for the S.E.C. and all law enforcement agents.

Actually, since Bernie has all this time on his hands he can also download my free eBook novel Flores Girl: The Children God Forgot. Bernie, it is truly a free book novel and a fun read if I do say so myself.

And by all means feel free to add your own Bernie to do’s for this list. Maybe I’ll put together a second list with your suggestions!

08
Mar
09

Put Bernie Madoff On Trial and Expose the Roaches!

No, no, no, is my response to the news that Bernie Madoff is working on a plea deal that will spare his family fortune for his wife and children while keeping him from going to trial. Frankly, I don’t care if his family ends up homeless and lives in a cardboard box after what he did with his $50 billion Ponzi scheme. There are millions of honest Americans facing that prospect so why should Bernie’s family escape such a daunting prospect? What is really interesting is that the government is even considering such a deal. The argument is you save the tax payers hundreds of thousands of dollars and you can wrap this up in a nice tidy little package. Wrap this up for whom and why do we want a tidy little package?

What crock of @#! and this is almost as bad as the idiot magistrate that allowed this bastard to stay in his penthouse. You remember how the argument went right? As long as Madoff wasn’t a threat to himself or the community his bail wasn’t about to be revoked as per the ruling of his royal moron Federal Magistrate Ronald Ellis. Hello, how about the fact that the freaking weasel was still stealing and hiding millions of dollars worth of checks while he was in his penthouse? Could Ellis be that clueless, which I doubt or was there a deal already in place?

Now the fact the government would even entertain a plea agreement with Madoff tells you something. Public prosecutors build their entire political careers on high profile prosecutions like this, just ask Rudy Giuliani and his prosecution of the Five Crime Families. These guys live for these opportunities yet these bozos are entertaining a plea deal from Madoff. Why?

Okay, we know what Bernie Madoff is hoping to get from this deal but why would the government entertain this plea deal? Because they get to close this ugly incident quickly and months from now we will see a report from some anonymous bureaucrats outlining the financial system’s failings that nobody will read and worse they will give recommendations that both the politicians and the media will blithely ignore. Time heals all wounds even a $50 billion goring.

People wake up and smell the roaches, will ya? In college I remember helping somebody moving a refrigerator and I saw out of the corner of my eye a single roach scurrying for cover. I didn’t give the singular roach a second thought, not being particularly squeamish but as we rocked the fridge to get it on a hand truck a tsunami of cockroaches poured out from the freezer. It was an amazing sight and I never moved so fast to avoid the damn vermin. Bottom-line, when you see one roach there are usually thousands more and so it is with Bernie Madoff and his ilk.

We need to shine a light on the crooks and to keep looking for more roaches but instead we get nothing but such stupid commentaries from the politicians as to what a creep Bernie Madoff is. Really, I didn’t know that if somebody steals $50 billion dollars from investors he can be considered a scumbag, did you? Of course, the more insightful observation would have been is how did Madoff go undetected for so long? Why did the system fail and who were his accomplices? Who ran the regulatory agencies that oversee the likes of Bernie Madoff and who is getting fired for their failure to protect the public interest? ANYBODY? Feel to insert sounds of silence here.

Where is the outrage from Democrats, Republicans, liberals and conservatives alike? How come we never heard anything from the gasbag Rush Limbaugh? Is it because Bernie was his neighbor and they shared a vicodin or two together? Guys like Bernie are tearing down the free market system but all we hear is silence from all parties. In a free market system how can we protect investors or is it truly caveat emptor?

Conservatives say we need less regulation and Democrats cry for more so why isn’t somebody getting on the band wagon here, one way or another? Is this going to be like the WMDs in Iraq that we never found and for which nobody was held accountable? Actually, I guarantee you there were more than a few promotions associated with that particular cluster-!@#?. No, they struck a plea deal with Bernie to cover the asses of regulatory agencies and the politicos alike. This is a hush job at the highest levels and twenty years from now even more grandiose Ponzi schemes will be allowed to flourish.

Frankly, this plea deal stinks. We need a big noisy, public trial that exposes Bernie, the regulatory agencies and the politicians who went along for this sleazy ride. I want to see Bernie in court wearing one of those adorable prison jump suits and while we are at let’s include the crooks at AIG and Merrill Lynch. Sure there will be more pain but a white wash such as this plea deal will only continue to hide the rot. Moreover, we need to enact laws that if somebody commits suicide because of the loss of his or her’s fortune in such schemes then the Berne Madoffs of the world can be brought up on manslaughter charges. Sometimes I think the Chinese have the right idea when they put their corrupt capitalists to death. Here we just kill poor people that don’t have access to proper legal counsel while hiding the rich roaches and allowing them to breed! Or am I missing the point altogether and have Americans already become financial sheep being lead to the slaughter?

Now, as part of my effort s to strengthen our capitalist system please free to download my free eBook novel Flores Girl: The Children God Forgot. It is truly a free book and a fun read if I do say so myself.




Get the Free Flores Girl e-Book at FloresGirl.com

Flores Girl: The Children God Forgot is an exciting speculative adventure story about the discovery of a new prehistoric people by two scientists, Sarah and Richard. Their discovery is threatened by both religious zealots and marauding industrialists. Download the e-Book in PDF, Mobi and Microsoft Reader formats. Honest it is free at floresgirl.com. Just click the chick!

For More Pro-Evolution Rants go to www.thefloresgirlblog.com

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    Sarah and Richard must make their escape after witnessing Reggie's brutal capture of the Ebu.
  • The Guardian Meets the Lab Rat
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    Ruthless elements within a large pharmaceutical company make their own plans for the Ebu.